raw_like_john

Well now that spring has officially arrived by calender and by weather it makes me happy. There has been a shift in the seasons and there has been a shift within this soul. I like the warm weather and water sports. By water sports I dont mean anything perverse. I am feeling a bit emotional this morning as I am reflecting on my life. I have great friends, a good paying decent job, and a developing understanding of god. I am tired of trying to figure out why I am here I just know that I am here and I am going to make the best out of the time that I am here. Fearing my own mortality at times but I know that it will all work out the way that it is supposed to be. At 26 years old I am feeling like I am finally starting to mature. Wow it has been a long process, none of which I would want to repeat or do over. All of my previous experiences here on this planet have helped to shape who I am today, A work in progress! I love you all!

Today I am spring cleaning my house. Everything is being cleaned from floor to ceiling. It is not the most fun I have ever had but it needs done.

Last night Kris and I hung out over at Sara's house and played some games which was fun. I helped Sara do her taxes last minute. Damn procrastinators. HA HA HA. I also include myself in the previous statement. Tammy is coming over tonight. I am excited to see her.
THE END!!


Food for thought: We are not human beings seeking a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings seeking a human experience.

Twas the night before Easter and all through my house the two humans are stirring and even a mouse. Kris in front of the TV/XBOX. Me in front of the computer. The dog pacing back and forth not quite sure of what to do. OK OK OK Was trying to be creative and failed miserably. Hey if at first you dont succeed then try try again. Was a very long day at work. We were so slow. My sponsor from AA gave me an assignment to write down each time I moved throughout my life. I have moved an astonishing 23 times. I was rather surprised to see that I had moved so many times. Anyways tomorrow Kris and I will be going to my sisters house for Easter dinner. I am rather excited about it I want to see Kaelee and William, my niece and nephew. I really dont have anything new and exciting going on other than I just recently went over my fourth step with my sponsor and that was rather interesting. The biggest thing I realized is that there are people out there whom you can trust. I think it is important for people to have a confident. I have kept so much shit hidden and suppressed for so long I was surprised at some of the stuff that came out. I dont want the emotional baggage any more. Today I am trying to rid my self of the excess shit that wieghs me down.

Thought of night: Home is a state of mind. -kg

Yesterday Kris and I went to Erie mainly so he could print off some stuff at Copy Max for school but since we were going to Erie anyways we decided to take our LITTLE DEVIL with us. We went to Presquile and wanked along the beach and there were tons of little dead fish everywhere is was rather disturbing. Cant help but think the fish are dead because of pollution or pollution related. It kind of killed the ambiance, just a little. So we came home and read a little and stayed up real late watching AMC late night. It was rather fun.

Today I decided to tackle the mold room. Well it is supposed to be a sun porch but the room leaks rather heavily in there and the carpet is mildew and the walls have mold on them. So I bleached the walls and scrubbed the floors. It cleaned up rather nicely and doesnt smell nearly as bad in there. I just wish the landlord would fix it. I know that he going to blame us for the damage in there to some degree but he knows the roof leaks in there. I dont think he realizes how severe it is. I've told him on a few occasions that it was getting worse and he said he will have the roof fixed this summer. YEAH we will see.

What a gorgeous day it was today. It makes me very excited for summer. Last night in between reading and movie central I decided to post my resume on line for the hell of it and I've had two phone calls today alone. One being Cracker Barrell and the other I am not sure of. It is kind of neat to know that I am very well self marketable and have options if I ever decide to choose to work some where else. BOth phone calls were for Management positions. I am going to talk to Kris before I go any further with either one.

We also switched our phone service to Voice On Net Age or as most people know it VONAGE. It was rather frustrating to set up because like most companies now a days the Tech Support was outsourced to a foreign country and the person who was assisting me spoke broken English. But after and hour and a half it is now on and it will save us 50-60 percent a month on our phone bill. SO that makes me happy. Oh and our phone number has changed as well. 205-1727 is our new number. It is still a local call. Alright I am gonna go my ride to my tuesday night meeting is going to be here any minute. Love you all!! Later!!

Food for thought: You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you have chosen to be and do about what has happened.

The day before yesterday. Tammy came over and we went to Chovy's for appetizers and dessert. It was fun. We had conversations on how screwed mankind is in the long run. Yippy Skippy. We came back to our place and made a half assed attempt to play Yahtzee but ended up getting sucked into BirdCage, which is a really good movie. Tammy peaced out and Kris and I made out. That was very fun!!!

Last night Sara and Tristan came over with Primanti Bros Sandwiches they werent real Primanti Bros but they brought the ingredients over to make a very delicious knock off. MMM MMM GOOD. We then played Yahtzee which i won two out of three games yeah!!! Then we played Egyptian Rat Screw which was fun. I really like those guys. We play some really fun games together.

Work was slow today. Had a staff meeting this morning which went well. My employees seem to think that I am out to get them and that another manager and I are conspiring together to get rid of people. First off Pennsylvania is a right to work commonwealth which basically means that I can fire anybody I want without reason, of course I may have to pay them unemployement but that is why we have insurance for that, anyways the whole thing is just stupid. Bottom line is it just really hurts my feelings that some of my employees think so highly of me. I got to leave work early today because we were slow so that was a plus. I am just glad to be home i guess because i really really wanted to clean up dog shit and dog piss. This just might not be my day. The funny thing is I am really not in that bad of a mood. PEACE OUT YO

Quote : Lack of planning on your part does not equal an emergency on my part. ( your shit is not my shit)

oh and PS: Where was I during this EMO movement? I feel cheated!

SO I got a phone call this morning actually it was more like this afternoon. It was Kris's Mom. We talked for awhile. I like her. She is coming for Kris's Graduation and will be staying with us for a few days. I am really proud of Kris, he is graduating with honors from Edinboro this spring. I am excited for many reasons. I think that this will mean changes for us that will be positive. I am looking forward to it. I am thinking of having a graduation party. I think he would like that and if i were graduating college I would want my partner to have a party for me.
So I attempted to make coffee this morning in my new coffee pot and yeah it took forever to brew so I stopped it and checked out the situation and something is not working right with it. So I broke out Ol whitey, the old school coffee pot and it brewed a pot in minutes. I think I spent nearly an hour trying to get the new coffee pot to brew a pot of coffee. This is the second fancy smancy coffee pot we've owned that has shit the bed on us. More expensive does not equal better.
Sara M left for home yesterday to help out her grandma after her bladder surgery. I am gonna miss her. I love Tristan and Sara.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The coffee is kicking in folks!!!!!!!!
I am going to a NA meeting in Sharon tonight. I am looking forward to that. Kris will be in Edinboro all day today and currently I am doing laundry and redding up my house. Breaking out the Pittsburgheese. Red up that slippy mess down air before somebody falls into the jagger bush on the bend. Or else I will shot a gum band at you. Yippy Skippy!!!!!!
I think I am gonna take my dog for a walk to Roche Park. It is rather nice out yet.

Quote for the day: You have no obligation in relationships. You have only opportunity. Opportunity, not obligation, is the cornerstone of religion, the basis of spirituality. So long as you see it the other way around, you will have missed the point.

I love you all. I hope you are each blessed with infinite power of the universe, POTU!!!

Well I think the recent break in the cold weather has every one in a slightly better mood. I work today all day again yeah. Yesterday I worked all day too. It was pretty busy. Afterwards I went to an NA meeting it was a good meeting, lots of gratitude which is always nice. Then a bunch of us went to Cracker Barrel and had dinner. It was real nice. Then I came home and Kris was watching Pet Semetary, yikes!! IT is one of my favorite scary movies but I was not in the mood to be freaked out. So I read some of my recovery literature. Today is good so far. I am working on my fourth step in AA, which is taking a personal inventory. It is quite emotional but liberating. I highly suggest a 12 step program to anyone who is willing to make a change reguardless if you are an addict/alcoholic or not. It liberates yourself from yourself.
My dog is so cute!!

Eddies Footlongs recently opened and Sara Tristan Kris and myself went yesterday for dinner it was yummy. Sara suggested we eat outside. For those of you who dont know, Eddies is only the best foot long hot dog stand ever. It is an area novelty because they are only open from march to october because they have no indoor seating. I got my fahlong with the works which is kraut, sauce, ketchup, mustard, relish, onion. It was really good, however it didnt agree with me today. Diarhea, cha cha cha. Tristan and Sara left rather early so Tristan could write his senior comp. I hope he can pull it off. He hasnt even started yet and only has about 5 weeks of school left. Last night my friend Amy came over, the one whose boyfriend has wholes in his ears, she came over to use our computer to do some home work. Kris and I played dutch blitz, which I did really good last night I usually lose and was winning most of the game. Notice I said most of the game I still ended up losing but only until the end. Oh yeah and I talked to my two year old neice on the phone yesterday and she is so precious she was laughing and laughing. TOday I took Kris to school and came back to Meadville, caught the noon AA meeting. I got a cell phone today. I got it more or less for work reasons but I havent had a cell phone in three years and I miss having one. I took a nap this afternoon and that was about all I did today. See ya all later!! Lots of love!!

I woke up this morning the sun was shining. That makes me happy in itself. I came home from work last night and there was a note from snuggle bear that they had gone to Cracker Barrel. So I rushed out the door and went to Cracker Barrel. I got there and there was noone there to be found except for people that I didnt know. So I thought I had missed Snuggle Bear and Friends. LOL. I ended up settling for sheetz. Then Sara and Tristan came over and then Snuggle Bear and Friends started planning a Cedar Point Trip in May. Which is exciting but I am not nearly as excited as Snuggle Bear who is an amusement park junkie. Which is who he is and I am cool with. It is actually kind of cute. Yay for gay! Today feeling pretty good is the main course with a side of sleepiness. Today I will do my best to do the next right thing, ever reminding myself to place principles before personalilites. Today I am thankful for all of the people in my life who are my friends. Just for today my focus will be on my recovery. Just for today, I will make the decision not to pick up any mind or mood altering substance.

You know i first went A.A. just because I thought I drank too much. I didn't know what it was about. I thought they were going to help me stop drinking and that was it. The cool thing is that it is so much more than that. THe program makes you look deep within your self at the roots of all of your fears. It is amazing. It is truely a gift from the power of the universe.

"The question is not, why start off on such a path? You have already started off. You did so with the first beat of your heart. The question is: Do I wish to walk this path consiously, or unconsiously?" NDW

I think that as people get older they tend to start to look at things in a spiritual light. For me I got to the point of, Is this it for me? WHat else is there? I have always felt connected to the world and the universe even when I wasnt aware what the universe was. I always felt connected to the changing of the seasons. I have always felt connected to the animals in this world, (even Chip the collie who used to hump me when I was 8, every time I walked pass his house)LOL Today I am able to feel a part of something greater than myself and that makes me feel at ease. As far as GOD, which by the way just so happens to be an acronym Good Orderly Direction, is concerned I am still trying to find a god of my understanding. But for the time being I have chosen to put my faith in the power of the universe, for it is something that I have no control over and affects/effects use all whether or not were are conscious of it.

Thanks Tammy for the Lion King on Broadway Soundtrack it is amazing!!

The great thing about life is the ability to start each and every day on fresh slate. I was talking to my friend Amy last night and it is always nice to talk to her. Our lives seem to parrallel each others. Her insight is priceless. I also realized how much I really do love my partner of almost four years(may 20 thereabouts red roses are a favorite)!!!! We get shitty with each other but life sometimes gets shitty. So we can either sit in the shit(and spin) or shovel it. I am learning that I would rather shovel it than sit in it(and spin)
Our friends Tristan and Sara came over last night and we played the best game ever. Which is really odd, I usually lose. For some reason I really like the game. The game is Dutch Blitz. What a wonderful game or should I say what a Vonderful Goot Game. My friend Sara likes to talk like a turkey and yesterday on my way to work a giant wild turkey ran across the road and Kris and I thought of Sara M. The turkey was huge it was close in size to an ostriche.
Work yesterday wasnt really all that busy but all and all it wasnt a bad day in Vocelli land. After work I went to my AA sponsors house and did some step work. WOW!!!!! is all I will say. I lead tonight a meeting and I am not too bad right now. I thought i would be very nervous but i am not at the moment. Gotta run see ya